I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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