Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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