i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
