Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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