He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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