Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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