I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
