you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
