Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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