this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize