Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
