If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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