In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
