I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
