I'm jealous of your bromance
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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