At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
