Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize