Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's Friday. Sex?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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