Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
