the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
