Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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