Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
