I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want her autograph on my taint
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
