M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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