it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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