Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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