Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
