all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
