you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
