all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
