so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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