drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
