nut hugger
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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