didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
