have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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