I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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