When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
