and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
