When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
