Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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