bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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