First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Two words: blizzard sex
I have aggressive nipples.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize