belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
