Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
