Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
