I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
