so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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