Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
