She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
