I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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