I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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