I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
