it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize