D3 body, D1 cock
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
