I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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