new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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