you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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