i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
