I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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