Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
