he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
