your thong is hanging out like whoa
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
