Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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