Non-Jews are for practice
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
