i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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