I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
