he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize