dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
