i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
