Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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