I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
