grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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