i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
