You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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