All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize