she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
