You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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