I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
