she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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