I'm so fucking centered right now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
