When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I stole a fireplace last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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