i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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