textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
