Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
