Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
