bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize