I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
