i wish starbucks made bloody marys
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
