you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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