I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
