are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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