8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
