Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
