Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize