Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
