I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
