i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
