I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Shame - the story of my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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