Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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