Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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