k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
