The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize