I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
