So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
